4. spring and blooming flowers

[badass_tiger]

Comm: fallintofallfestival
Prompt: Any Fandom | Any Characters/Pairings | “Go back to sleep.”
Word Count: 2.1k
Author/Team: badass_tiger
Title: spring and blooming flowers
Fandom/Original: The Royal Tutor: Eins von Granzreich/Ernst von Rosenberg
Rating: Gen
Triggers: NA
Summary: Eins tries to tend to Rosenberg after his collapse in chapter 90. Canon divergence.
ConCrit: Y

Even in sleep, a frown remained on Eins's brow. It was not always so. Only of late had the past seemed to affect Eins more than usual. Or perhaps Rosenberg simply hadn't been able to be there for his previous depressive episodes. Eins had been away on travel for a long time.

Sometimes Rosenberg wondered to himself how Eins had survived travelling the globe without him - but only in jest. He believed in Eins's strength. Besides, it might well be that the thing that affected Eins the most right now was being back in Granzreich. And of course, they had just returned from that villa.

It was the wrong place to introduce Eins to Princess Paola. Rosenberg should have known that. Indeed, he had known that. But he couldn't find a way to bring it up to the king without revealing Eins's true circumstances. Had he underestimated the strength of Eins's feelings? Or perhaps he was the one who had failed him. Yes, that was the more likely reason. He had failed to find another solution, to help Eins overcome his trauma - indeed, it could be said he had failed Eins from the moment he had allowed him to break off his engagement with Princess Matilda. Everything he, Rosenberg, had done since, was simply a weak attempt at making reparations. But even if Eins could no longer be provoked to tears at the mere sight of a young woman, if he was someday able to accept another woman as his queen, Rosenberg wouldn't be able to forgive himself. He would have to work his whole life for Eins's sake before he could consider that possibility.

Even now, he couldn't help making mistake after mistake. He cursed himself and his traitor of a body for failing him during such a crucial time. How could he have collapsed from simple exhaustion, and at Weissburg Palace at that? He was now in his own bed at Schwarz Palace, and Eins was asleep in a chair next to his bed. Was he there to scold him? He would laugh if he was. Eins was hardly doing much better himself.

Rosenberg rolled over onto his side and reached up as if to brush the frown away from Eins's brow. When his hand touched Eins's face, Eins's eyes opened.

'Good morning,' Rosenberg said. The grandfather clock in the foyer had chimed midnight some minutes ago.

A cool hand was pressed against his forehead so firmly and suddenly that he fell back against the pillows.

'You're not sick,' Eins said almost accusingly.

'No,' Rosenberg said. 'I seem to be tired.'

'The doctor recommended you refrain from working for a few days.'

'He would say that. As you know, however, I can't do that.'

'Do I?'

'We're quite busy right now, aren't we? I can't afford to take a single day off.'

'What are we busy with?'

The question put Rosenberg on edge. Indeed, what were they so busy with that Rosenberg couldn't take a day's rest? His feelings of worthlessness and helplessness had nothing to do with the work at hand. But he couldn't just sit back and do nothing, even for a moment. How could he, while Eins was suffering so much?

'Take a break for the rest of the week,' Eins said. 'If there's anything that needs to be done, I'll do it. Just tell me.'

'You can't.' His voice came out in a whisper, and he cleared his throat. 'You can't work in your current state. Nor do you have to. If I sleep now, I will be sufficiently well-rested for tomorrow. So if -'

'I'll station a guard outside your door,' Eins cut him off. 'He won't let you leave without my permission.'

'What?!' Rosenberg drew in a breath through his teeth. 'There's no need for that.'

'Because you'll stay in bed?'

Rosenberg glared in the soft lamplight. He had never known Eins to be so insistent on something so trivial.

Eins stood up. 'Go back to sleep,' he said, and left.

-

Rosenberg woke up early the next day, as usual. He was furious to discover that Eins had been serious about the guard. He opened the door to the room only to be stopped by a footman who politely explained that His Highness had forbidden him from leaving until further notice. Rosenberg pointed out that, being the high steward, he was technically the master of the house, and the footman replied that Prince Eins was royalty and could overrule anyone in the kingdom save for King Viktor.

By the time a maidservant arrived with breakfast, Rosenberg was seriously contemplating leaving through the window. Eins came in shortly afterwards.

'Explain yourself,' Rosenberg said.

'Why don't you start?'

'What are you talking about?'

'Why did you collapse yesterday? What have you been doing to make you so tired?'

What had he been doing? Everything and nothing, clearly. Everything he had done up until now had proved useless. Would it be better if he simply didn't do anything at all?

'Nothing. Perhaps I've been skipping meals more often than I realise. It's nothing to -'

- worry about? Eins wasn't worried about him.

'I received a message from the king when you returned yesterday,' Eins said. 'He offered his assistance in case we were having difficulty handling things here.'

Pathetic. How could he have let things reach this state?

'I'm sorry I've allowed my health to interfere with business.' Rosenberg bowed. 'It won't happen again.'

Suddenly, Eins gripped his arm so tightly, he flinched from the pain.

'Why won't you tell me?' Eins said. 'Are you afraid of hurting my feelings? Am I that fragile?'

'Alright then,' Rosenberg snapped. He knew what Eins wanted him to say. 'It's your fault. I've been running myself ragged and can't sleep at night for thinking of what to do with you. Happy?' He wrenched his arm away.

'Shouldn't you have realised it by now?' Eins frowned, but there was a weakness in his voice that rung as clear as a bell. 'Being with me won't help you anymore, Ern. I can't -' He swallowed and looked away. 'I can't become king. You should leave and find a better place.'

Rosenberg didn't register that he had hit Eins until he felt his knuckles flare up in white-hot pain. The red mist in front of his eyes cleared and he registered that Eins was now on the floor.

'Do you really know nothing?' Rosenberg was breathing hard, and he felt sure that he would hit Eins again soon. One blow was not enough. 'Do you think that I've been here this whole time because I'm hoping for something for myself? Do you think -'

The possibility that Eins had never seen him as a friend, had perhaps always thought of their time together as being a mutually beneficial situation, didn't treasure their past together as he did, hit him like a brick. He dropped onto his knees in front of Eins and gripped his hand. Eins looked at him as if he had never seen him before.

'The only thing I want is to make your dream of becoming king come true,' Ernst said. 'Even if you ask me to leave, I won't until I've done everything I can for you. So don't tell me to leave. I won't as long as you need me.'

'You really - you'll - even if -' Eins struggled against the words that crowded at his lips. 'Ern, I don't know - I don't know if I can become king.'

'Whether or not you become king doesn't matter to me,' Rosenberg said. Eins's eyes widened with shock. 'Whatever path you choose, I will support you. As long as you're alive, that's enough.'

Rosenberg's chest was so full of emotions, half of which he couldn't put name to, the other half of which he had no wish to. He acknowledged that it was deeply selfish to so desire for his feelings to reach Eins. He was nothing more than his servant, after all. But to Rosenberg, Eins was infinitely more than his master. Eins was his saviour, his childhood friend - his everything. And there was nothing Ernst could do for him. With his free hand - the one still burning from the force of striking Eins - he reached forward, cupped Eins's cheek, and kissed him.

Eins was completely unmoving underneath him. Of course he was. Why should he kiss him back? His heart belonged to another. Perhaps he would even find it repulsive to be kissed by Ernst. All the same, Ernst remained leaning against him for several seconds longer. It was all that he would ever have. He broke the kiss with a sigh. But before he could pull away, Eins stilled him with a hand on the back of his head.

'What are you doing?' Eins said. Rosenberg laughed. Eins looked to have recovered completely. The look he gave him was his usual cold impassiveness. It was such a relief to see after the display of weakness that Rosenberg felt a great deal of normality slide back into place.

'Has it been so long since you last received a kiss that you don't recognise it anymore?'

'Why did you kiss me?'

'It is tradition to bestow kisses on the people you love.'

'You love me?'

The direct question hit Rosenberg like an arrow. Still, he feigned nonchalance. 'Do you think I don't, after everything I've done for you?'

'As - as a friend, I knew you loved me,' Eins said, and Rosenberg chuckled again. Eins certainly hadn't seemed aware of it when he had pushed him away mere moments ago. 'But as - do you -'

'I love you completely, Eins,' Rosenberg said, dropping his usual mask once more. He felt no shame or embarrassment in admitting it. To him, Eins was worthy of everything, and it was only natural that he should love him. 'That is why I will never leave you. To lose you would be to lose myself.'

The words appeared to hit Eins harder than even Rosenberg's fist. He almost recoiled, and the hand on Rosenberg's head faltered.

'I'm not worthy of your love,' Eins said, averting his gaze.

'I don't care.'

'I'm not worthy of your love,' Eins said again. He raised his eyes, clouded with doubt, and looked into Ernst's. 'But ...'

Words failed him. Instead, he closed the distance between them once more and kissed him. Rosenberg didn't move for a moment. He felt as if his chest would burst. Then he let his eyes fall close and kissed Eins back, taking in every sensation, of Eins's soft lips moving against his own, of Eins's hand cradling the back of his head, of Ein's hand in his own, gripping him back just as tightly.

The world seemed to hold still even when they parted. They looked at one another: Ernst with bated breath; Eins, his expression unreadable.

'I'm sorry, Ern,' Eins said at last. 'I've taken a lot from you, and I've caused you a lot of trouble.'

'Indeed, you have,' Rosenberg smiled.

'I don't ... I don't want you to go.'

Tenderness didn't come naturally to Ernst, but his smile softened. The gentle expression felt alien on his face. 'Thank you.'

'I've failed you in many ways, and I'm likely to disappoint you again. But if you can accept me that way, I will do what I can for you too.'

Rosenberg stared at him as Eins's meaning registered in his mind. 'Are - are you not - still in love with -'

'I don't want to keep looking back at the past.' A look of resolve settled on Eins's features. He intertwined their fingers, and Rosenberg looked down at their hands in surprise. 'I want to look towards the future with you.'

Ernst met his gaze again. 'Yes. I understand.' He breathed in, and he felt lighter than he had in months. 'For shame. What would you do without me?'

'Nothing at all,' Eins said, unperturbed by the jest.

'Quite. Well, then.' Ernst stood up and Eins followed. 'Shall we make a start on the future by getting to work?'

'No. You have to rest.'

'Excuse me?' Ernst said, appalled.

'You're still unwell. Eat, then go back to bed.' A blush rose on Eins's cheeks, and it was another moment before he said, 'I will join you, if you wish.'

Rosenberg laughed. He laughed until tears came to his eyes and Eins was glaring at him.

'Oh dear, how bold. But I can hardly refuse if you insist.'

'I won't if you don't want me,' Eins said coldly.

'I would never defy my prince. Please, sire, come into my bed.'

So saying, like the potted camellias blooming on Rosenberg's windowsill, the pair of childhood friends looked to the future.