Rufus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
badass_tiger) wrote2021-11-26 09:31 am
badass_tiger) wrote2021-11-26 09:31 am
25. admiration
Prompt: Any Fandom | Any Characters | “You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”
Word Count: 2k
Author/Team:badass_tiger
Title: admiration
Fandom/Original: Pokemon (Leon/Raihan)
Rating: Gen
Triggers: NA
Summary: Just how blind Leon is to his own amazingness
ConCrit: Y
Notes: 'hey rufus how many times are you -' shut up
To be fair, Raihan was far from the sharpest tool in the shed himself. He had always had a one-track mind: as soon as he had first watched a Pokemon battle on the telly, he had become singularly focused on Pokemon battling, and from the day he met Leon and had the battle of his life, he had been singularly focused on beating Leon. Raihan didn't know when his thoughts shifted from battling against Leon to admiring Leon - perhaps they had always been one and the same, and he had only become increasingly aware of it with time - but he had never been one to waste time. As soon as a thought came to him, he took action.
Still, Raihan was positive that he himself wasn't this dense. Was this Leon's way of letting him down gently? It couldn't be. Leon was never one for the indirect approach. He was as absolutely direct in his methods as Raihan was.
'Sure,' Leon said. 'Where do you want to go? Coffee?'
Maybe it was a sign. Maybe he needed to reconsider. If Leon didn't return his feelings - and he clearly didn't - it would get awkward between them if he pressed the issue. Their rivalry was the single most important thing to Raihan. Better that he let it go.
'Milkshake?' Raihan suggested. 'It's hot in here.'
That was true. They had met as teenagers, and while Raihan had only seemed to grow longer and lankier of limb into adulthood, Leon had been devoted to working out from a young age, and the fact was evident in his adulthood. He filled out each shirt he wore, the fabric clinging to the sculpt of his chest, especially after a battle or training session. Sweat would cause it to hug his figure all around even more, however it was that that was possible. During times like that, it was possible to pick out every muscle as he moved. As dense as he himself admitted he was, it had taken Raihan a few weeks of gaping to understand why he was never able to look away whenever Leon took off his shirt in the locker room, whenever he returned from the showers with water droplets running down his chest, whenever he raised his hand to towel his hair and the muscles of his arms shifted with every movement.
It was such a shame that Leon was hopeless, and as a result, he, Raihan, would never know what Leon's skin tasted like, on the base of his neck that curved into his shoulder, or how it would feel to have Leon look at him with the same intensity as he looked at Leon. An utter shame, but one for the best.
-
Actually, it wouldn't be so bad if it was just a physical attraction. If Raihan knew that his feelings for Leon were purely sexual, perhaps he wouldn't have hesitated. The truth was, he liked Leon a lot, and asking him out had meant more than simply asking him to bed. Perhaps what he had really been asking for was permission to fall in love with Leon. Watching the storm in Leon's eyes now, Raihan wondered if it was too late for such an absurd question.
'I don't know why I have such a high opinion of myself, when I've never really done anything,' Leon said. 'Nothing worth anything, anyway. I'm not some kind of hero, no matter what anyone thinks.'
'You're an idiot,' Raihan said.
'I know.' Leon's voice was unbearably bitter. 'I never realised how idiotic I really am.'
'You have no idea.'
How could Leon just stand there, hating himself for something so stupid, something that wasn't his fault? Raihan knew that it wasn't his fame, his overwhelming success at such a young age, that had made him think so highly of himself. Leon didn't have a high opinion of himself in the first place. He simply expected it of himself, as a matter of course, to be able to protect the whole of Galar - because he believed that it was his job as the Champion. Raihan wanted to shake him. He seized him by the front of his shirt, bringing their faces close together to glare into Leon's eyes. Leon glared back, but Raihan knew he wasn't angry at him. He was angry at himself.
'I'm not going to stand here and listen to you going on like this. You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?' Raihan said, and watched as Leon's eyes widened in surprise. 'You sit there hating yourself for something that everyone else loves you for. What's wrong with you?'
'What are you talking about?' Leon snapped.
'What are you talking about? You're mad at yourself for - what? Not being able to save the whole world all by yourself? So what? You saved plenty of people by battling the Pokemon that were randomly Dynamaxing. Why isn't that enough for you?'
'I - I should have been able to do more -'
'You can't do everything!'
'I could have at least done something instead of leaving it to my little brother! He could have been killed!'
Raihan relaxed his grip slightly, a frown furrowing his brow. 'Is that what this is about? You were worried about your brother? You were nearly killed too.'
'It's not just that.' Leon took Raihan by the wrist and lifted his hand from his shirt, pushing him away. He looked away despondently. 'Chairman Rose talked to me before the Championship Match was supposed to take place. I just brushed him off. I was excited for the match. If I'd listened to him properly, maybe I could have stopped him!'
'That's not true. Chairman Rose was mad. Stop trying to take responsibility for stuff that isn't your fault.'
Leon didn't say anything for a few seconds, and Raihan stepped closer again. How he wanted to kiss the anguish on Leon's face away. There was a long scratch on one side of his face, and a purple bruise on one cheek thinly disguised behind carefully applied gauze. Raihan wanted to touch it, to watch Leon wince when he would stroke a finger over the injury, feel him relax when he would kiss it better.
'I feel so useless,' Leon said softly. He didn't turn to look at Raihan. 'I thought being the unbeatable Leon meant something.'
'It does. It just doesn't mean that you have to be unbeatable at everything.' Raihan reached out, and this time, he couldn't make himself touch him. Leon was like a wall of anger and self-loathing, impenetrable in the moment. 'Don't you get it? Lots of people think you did plenty. Everyone's talking about what a hero Champion Leon is. Going up there - facing down the Darkest Day - putting your life on the line - that was amazing.'
'You think so?' Leon said, so quietly as to be almost inaudible.
'Of course I do. I'm mad about you. I think everything you do is amazing.'
Not quite what he had been about to go for, but it would do, especially when Leon started and looked round at him. Since he had started talking now, he might as well keep going and get it off his chest at the same time.
'I've been watching you this whole time, haven't I?' Raihan said. 'Just like everyone else. Everyone else can see it, but not you. How amazing you are. Not just in battles. You're not a superstar just because you're strong. It's because you care about everyone, and you think everyone's worth something. You never look down on other people for being weak. Even me - this whole time, you've let me call myself your rival when I can't hold a candle to you.'
Of all things, this appeared to take Leon aback the most. 'That's not true!' he protested. 'You're the strongest Trainer I've ever battled. There's no one more suited to be my rival than you.'
'Thanks.' This wasn't about him - and Raihan felt, in the back of his mind, that Leon would say the same thing about anyone who challenged him half as much as Raihan did, and mean it too - but Raihan let himself enjoy the compliment for just a moment. 'Doesn't change the fact I'm not half as good as you. No one is. That'll be true even on the day I beat you.'
'Why?'
'I told you. No one's like you. You want everyone to have a champion time, right? And you want to be there to make sure everyone's having fun. It's because of you that the League - the Gym Challenge - the Championship Cup - are so much fun. Everyone loves you for it.'
Speaking his admiration for Leon was almost too much. Raihan couldn't stop himself - felt compelled by a magnetic force - to take Leon's face in his hands, tilt Leon's head upwards so they were eye-to-eye. Leon looked at him with something like wonderment, as if he had never seen him before. At least in some ways, he probably was looking at Raihan for the first time.
'I love you for it,' Raihan said. 'So don't go spouting bullshit about how you're useless and no one cares about you. I'll slug you.'
'You love me,' Leon said. It wasn't quite a question.
'Yeah.'
'Why - why didn't you tell me?'
'I did. You didn't get it, so I didn't bother saying it again.'
Leon was startled. 'When?'
'Dunno. Ages ago. I said "Do you wanna go out with me?" and you said "Like, for ice cream?"'
He blushed, and seemed bewildered. 'I did?'
'Yeah. Anyway, don't worry about it. I'm just telling you - and maybe you'll believe me, me being your rival and all - I'm one of a million people who think you're the best. So I won't let you talk about yourself like that.'
There was a frown on Leon's brow. He seemed to have difficulty accepting Raihan's words.
'I'm sorry,' he said at last.
'You're not supposed to apologise, idiot,' Raihan said exasperatedly. 'If you're going to say sorry, say it to yourself. I don't want you to apologise. I want you to stop talking about yourself like that.'
'Okay.' To Raihan's amazement, Leon raised one of his hands, placed it over Raihan's, and leaned into it. Even though he and Leon touched all the time - to shake hands, to pat one another on the back, even to hug - to watch and feel Leon seeking his touch felt unimaginably wonderful and sweet. 'Okay. I can't make myself stop thinking these things right away, but - but if you think they're not true ...'
'I don't. How many times do you want me to tell you that I think you're the most amazing guy in the world?'
'A hundred million times. Even then, it won't be enough.'
Raihan was beginning to understand something. Leon wouldn't touch him back like this if he found his feelings repulsive. Maybe he didn't feel the same way - maybe all he wanted was to have someone to touch him and comfort him - but Raihan would be fine with that, too. Even if it would be difficult to have Leon for only a short while, there was a part of him that delighted in the idea of being Leon's saviour for a night.
He kissed him, then. Leon kissed him back, unhesitatingly, hungrily. If Raihan had known that Leon would react like this, would he have kissed him sooner, consequences be damned? He wasn't known for his abilities of self-restraint, but perhaps the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to do it again would have held him back. He wasn't interested in torturing himself emotionally. It could only be like this now, when Leon needed him the most.
It was strange that, in the moment of utmost certainty that Leon couldn't return his feelings, that Raihan was the most in love with him that he had ever been.
Word Count: 2k
Author/Team:
badass_tigerTitle: admiration
Fandom/Original: Pokemon (Leon/Raihan)
Rating: Gen
Triggers: NA
Summary: Just how blind Leon is to his own amazingness
ConCrit: Y
Notes: 'hey rufus how many times are you -' shut up
To be fair, Raihan was far from the sharpest tool in the shed himself. He had always had a one-track mind: as soon as he had first watched a Pokemon battle on the telly, he had become singularly focused on Pokemon battling, and from the day he met Leon and had the battle of his life, he had been singularly focused on beating Leon. Raihan didn't know when his thoughts shifted from battling against Leon to admiring Leon - perhaps they had always been one and the same, and he had only become increasingly aware of it with time - but he had never been one to waste time. As soon as a thought came to him, he took action.
Still, Raihan was positive that he himself wasn't this dense. Was this Leon's way of letting him down gently? It couldn't be. Leon was never one for the indirect approach. He was as absolutely direct in his methods as Raihan was.
'Sure,' Leon said. 'Where do you want to go? Coffee?'
Maybe it was a sign. Maybe he needed to reconsider. If Leon didn't return his feelings - and he clearly didn't - it would get awkward between them if he pressed the issue. Their rivalry was the single most important thing to Raihan. Better that he let it go.
'Milkshake?' Raihan suggested. 'It's hot in here.'
That was true. They had met as teenagers, and while Raihan had only seemed to grow longer and lankier of limb into adulthood, Leon had been devoted to working out from a young age, and the fact was evident in his adulthood. He filled out each shirt he wore, the fabric clinging to the sculpt of his chest, especially after a battle or training session. Sweat would cause it to hug his figure all around even more, however it was that that was possible. During times like that, it was possible to pick out every muscle as he moved. As dense as he himself admitted he was, it had taken Raihan a few weeks of gaping to understand why he was never able to look away whenever Leon took off his shirt in the locker room, whenever he returned from the showers with water droplets running down his chest, whenever he raised his hand to towel his hair and the muscles of his arms shifted with every movement.
It was such a shame that Leon was hopeless, and as a result, he, Raihan, would never know what Leon's skin tasted like, on the base of his neck that curved into his shoulder, or how it would feel to have Leon look at him with the same intensity as he looked at Leon. An utter shame, but one for the best.
-
Actually, it wouldn't be so bad if it was just a physical attraction. If Raihan knew that his feelings for Leon were purely sexual, perhaps he wouldn't have hesitated. The truth was, he liked Leon a lot, and asking him out had meant more than simply asking him to bed. Perhaps what he had really been asking for was permission to fall in love with Leon. Watching the storm in Leon's eyes now, Raihan wondered if it was too late for such an absurd question.
'I don't know why I have such a high opinion of myself, when I've never really done anything,' Leon said. 'Nothing worth anything, anyway. I'm not some kind of hero, no matter what anyone thinks.'
'You're an idiot,' Raihan said.
'I know.' Leon's voice was unbearably bitter. 'I never realised how idiotic I really am.'
'You have no idea.'
How could Leon just stand there, hating himself for something so stupid, something that wasn't his fault? Raihan knew that it wasn't his fame, his overwhelming success at such a young age, that had made him think so highly of himself. Leon didn't have a high opinion of himself in the first place. He simply expected it of himself, as a matter of course, to be able to protect the whole of Galar - because he believed that it was his job as the Champion. Raihan wanted to shake him. He seized him by the front of his shirt, bringing their faces close together to glare into Leon's eyes. Leon glared back, but Raihan knew he wasn't angry at him. He was angry at himself.
'I'm not going to stand here and listen to you going on like this. You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?' Raihan said, and watched as Leon's eyes widened in surprise. 'You sit there hating yourself for something that everyone else loves you for. What's wrong with you?'
'What are you talking about?' Leon snapped.
'What are you talking about? You're mad at yourself for - what? Not being able to save the whole world all by yourself? So what? You saved plenty of people by battling the Pokemon that were randomly Dynamaxing. Why isn't that enough for you?'
'I - I should have been able to do more -'
'You can't do everything!'
'I could have at least done something instead of leaving it to my little brother! He could have been killed!'
Raihan relaxed his grip slightly, a frown furrowing his brow. 'Is that what this is about? You were worried about your brother? You were nearly killed too.'
'It's not just that.' Leon took Raihan by the wrist and lifted his hand from his shirt, pushing him away. He looked away despondently. 'Chairman Rose talked to me before the Championship Match was supposed to take place. I just brushed him off. I was excited for the match. If I'd listened to him properly, maybe I could have stopped him!'
'That's not true. Chairman Rose was mad. Stop trying to take responsibility for stuff that isn't your fault.'
Leon didn't say anything for a few seconds, and Raihan stepped closer again. How he wanted to kiss the anguish on Leon's face away. There was a long scratch on one side of his face, and a purple bruise on one cheek thinly disguised behind carefully applied gauze. Raihan wanted to touch it, to watch Leon wince when he would stroke a finger over the injury, feel him relax when he would kiss it better.
'I feel so useless,' Leon said softly. He didn't turn to look at Raihan. 'I thought being the unbeatable Leon meant something.'
'It does. It just doesn't mean that you have to be unbeatable at everything.' Raihan reached out, and this time, he couldn't make himself touch him. Leon was like a wall of anger and self-loathing, impenetrable in the moment. 'Don't you get it? Lots of people think you did plenty. Everyone's talking about what a hero Champion Leon is. Going up there - facing down the Darkest Day - putting your life on the line - that was amazing.'
'You think so?' Leon said, so quietly as to be almost inaudible.
'Of course I do. I'm mad about you. I think everything you do is amazing.'
Not quite what he had been about to go for, but it would do, especially when Leon started and looked round at him. Since he had started talking now, he might as well keep going and get it off his chest at the same time.
'I've been watching you this whole time, haven't I?' Raihan said. 'Just like everyone else. Everyone else can see it, but not you. How amazing you are. Not just in battles. You're not a superstar just because you're strong. It's because you care about everyone, and you think everyone's worth something. You never look down on other people for being weak. Even me - this whole time, you've let me call myself your rival when I can't hold a candle to you.'
Of all things, this appeared to take Leon aback the most. 'That's not true!' he protested. 'You're the strongest Trainer I've ever battled. There's no one more suited to be my rival than you.'
'Thanks.' This wasn't about him - and Raihan felt, in the back of his mind, that Leon would say the same thing about anyone who challenged him half as much as Raihan did, and mean it too - but Raihan let himself enjoy the compliment for just a moment. 'Doesn't change the fact I'm not half as good as you. No one is. That'll be true even on the day I beat you.'
'Why?'
'I told you. No one's like you. You want everyone to have a champion time, right? And you want to be there to make sure everyone's having fun. It's because of you that the League - the Gym Challenge - the Championship Cup - are so much fun. Everyone loves you for it.'
Speaking his admiration for Leon was almost too much. Raihan couldn't stop himself - felt compelled by a magnetic force - to take Leon's face in his hands, tilt Leon's head upwards so they were eye-to-eye. Leon looked at him with something like wonderment, as if he had never seen him before. At least in some ways, he probably was looking at Raihan for the first time.
'I love you for it,' Raihan said. 'So don't go spouting bullshit about how you're useless and no one cares about you. I'll slug you.'
'You love me,' Leon said. It wasn't quite a question.
'Yeah.'
'Why - why didn't you tell me?'
'I did. You didn't get it, so I didn't bother saying it again.'
Leon was startled. 'When?'
'Dunno. Ages ago. I said "Do you wanna go out with me?" and you said "Like, for ice cream?"'
He blushed, and seemed bewildered. 'I did?'
'Yeah. Anyway, don't worry about it. I'm just telling you - and maybe you'll believe me, me being your rival and all - I'm one of a million people who think you're the best. So I won't let you talk about yourself like that.'
There was a frown on Leon's brow. He seemed to have difficulty accepting Raihan's words.
'I'm sorry,' he said at last.
'You're not supposed to apologise, idiot,' Raihan said exasperatedly. 'If you're going to say sorry, say it to yourself. I don't want you to apologise. I want you to stop talking about yourself like that.'
'Okay.' To Raihan's amazement, Leon raised one of his hands, placed it over Raihan's, and leaned into it. Even though he and Leon touched all the time - to shake hands, to pat one another on the back, even to hug - to watch and feel Leon seeking his touch felt unimaginably wonderful and sweet. 'Okay. I can't make myself stop thinking these things right away, but - but if you think they're not true ...'
'I don't. How many times do you want me to tell you that I think you're the most amazing guy in the world?'
'A hundred million times. Even then, it won't be enough.'
Raihan was beginning to understand something. Leon wouldn't touch him back like this if he found his feelings repulsive. Maybe he didn't feel the same way - maybe all he wanted was to have someone to touch him and comfort him - but Raihan would be fine with that, too. Even if it would be difficult to have Leon for only a short while, there was a part of him that delighted in the idea of being Leon's saviour for a night.
He kissed him, then. Leon kissed him back, unhesitatingly, hungrily. If Raihan had known that Leon would react like this, would he have kissed him sooner, consequences be damned? He wasn't known for his abilities of self-restraint, but perhaps the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to do it again would have held him back. He wasn't interested in torturing himself emotionally. It could only be like this now, when Leon needed him the most.
It was strange that, in the moment of utmost certainty that Leon couldn't return his feelings, that Raihan was the most in love with him that he had ever been.